Confessions of a one-sided Bestie lover
All of us have loved a person who didn’t love us back. Been there done that, haven’t we all? It was same for me too. It didn’t help that he was my bestie and my classmate. As always I thought that he was going to propose me but he proposed to his “just friend” and told me the news first because I was his “best friend”.
Its been more than a year and I am going to tell the phases that a one sided lover goes through:
HURT: how could this happen? My first love didn’t even start to end! We end up crying for almost a month. When that person says “you too will get a great guy “ - everything snaps. Feels like every breath is labored…
REJECTION: why not me? Why didn’t he love me instead? Something is wrong with me! I am just not good and attractive enough to be loved by someone!! These thoughts torture us endlessly. And the songs aggravate it. We start with putting whastapp status and DP’s. And Arijit's Songs become our life.
JEALOUSY: THAT LUCKY GIRL! We mentally decode that girl’s fb pictures and stalk her. We compare and contrast. We convince ourselves that we are way better than them.
ANGER: Angry at our friend. Getting annoyed at small things. We fight that he is not giving time to us. We make him a victim to clueless verbal spats.
APATHY: we try to act normal. We pretend that we don’t care. We try to go about our own life [we secretly wait for him to ping us , miss us] we basically try to seek his attention. Alas that won’t happen. Blame it on the “just committed hormones”.
HOPING FOR MIRACLE: We shed the “ I don’t care attitude and back to our own selves”. In my case I started chanting
Twinkle twinkle little star,
I hope and pray that they fall apart!!
It’s human. We keep hoping that they would break up. We get mentally ready to give our shoulder. We imagine that after breakup he will realize that he actually loves us. My favorite song at this phase was Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With me”.
But hey earth to you! It won’t happen in most cases.
GUILT: This is the start of the end. Slowly and very slowly we start feeling guilty for falling for our friend. We realize that he loves us like a friend and there is nothing wrong with that. We feel ashamed for not being happy for him.
Moving on: The songs that once gave us jitters no longer affect us. We accept that it was not meant to be. We make peace with it.
P.S: Lots of tissues, mood swings and occasional outbursts will be there. Deep down in our heart we will have feelings but it’s just a scar. We move out of it stronger.
I have come out stronger. My bestie is still my bestie. He still loves me the same way as before. He doesn’t know what I went through and he never will. So whatever phase you are in keep moving forward.
